The Life and Times of a 20-Something Goddess

Today, I submitted an online application for Vol State Community College and sent the signature page to Mom's work email for her to print and bring back to me on Monday.  After I sign the signature page, I have to send it and a $10 application fee to Vol State.  Then I have to get my high school transcripts sent to Vol State and I need to ask the admissions office if my Compass (a placement test) scores will transfer from Nashville State Community College, where I thought I was going to go, to Vol State where I now want to go.

So that's what I did this morning. 

I've been having trouble with anxiety lately.  Whenever I'm trying to relax and even sometimes when I'm not, I'll start thinking about things that scare me and I'll begin to feel panic in between my heart and solar plexus.

I don't want to be afraid so much of things that are unlikely to even happen.  I am not likely to get stuck in a small opening of a cave or under a house or anything like that because I avoid such places.  But when I think about it or see something like that on TV, I begin to get very anxious and sometimes have a little trouble breathing normally. 

Yes, I fully intend to tell my meds provider and my therapist about this and see what they say. 

I think part of this may be because I did get stuck somewhere as a child and couldn't get out until someone came to help me.  Before that, I could enjoy hiding in small spaces where no one could find me if I didn't want them to.

Newt was asking what else I was going to write about him in my blog and I asked him what He thinks I should write.  Here is his response:

"let's see... that I'm incredibly handsome.... and funny... and that you have more thoughts about me than what you are willing to admit to me.... and that you can't wait to get me alone again.... ummmm, I'll think of some more...."

Isn't he cute?
 

 

Dragon and I are officially done. We will continue being friends and we will always love eachother, but we just aren't right for eachother at this time. I am sad, but not heartbroken. I'll be fine.

 

Jersey and I had a great time together last night. We went out to dinner at Tazza on Church St. in Nashville. It's a nice little place. Then, we went to the motel room that I had booked online. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

 

Newt is back. I know most of you won't know anything about him, so here's a quick recap: I met Newt through a co-worker when I worked in TN Vital Records. We had a very whirlwind romance that fell apart as quick as it started. Never mind why as the reasons for that break up no longer apply.

 

Now: We've had little contact over the two years since then, but he says that he has thought a lot about me. I can't say that I've dwelled on that relationship much but I have thought about him from time to time and I would occasionally check on his Myspace page. This past week, he started posting comments on my LiveJournal blog, signing them as "Dr. Phil." It didn't take long for me to figure out that it was him, especially since he had used that route before to try and get back into my life. This annoyed me a little, but since he has behaved so well since I called his bluff, I have agreed to be friends and keep an open mind about the possibility of more. At the very least, he has been a great source of entertainment for the past several days.

 

That's all for now. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Well, Dragon and I had our break and I did a lot of thinking and things that needed to be said were said at the end of the break.  Since then, we haven't talked much.  We are still officially together, but it doesn't look like it's going to last.  At this point, I don't see much that can be salvaged.

In the meantime, I'm having fun with Jersey.  It's refreshing to have a relationship without all the heady rush of love-like feelings.  I normally fall way too quickly, but that's not the case with him...  I like it.  No pressure.

My Job Readiness Class at Prospect (this county's version of Maximus) is going well enough.  I can't say I'm learning a lot, but going to it gets me my benefits through Families First, so it's worth the time.  I go four hours every weekday for two weeks.  This is my second week.

During breaks at JRC, and even sometimes when I've gotten done with my work quickly and have nothing else to do, I have been working on my Wicca reading list.  The book I'm currently on is True Magick by Amber K.  I've read through the whole thing once and now I'm outlining the chapters to help me write a report on it.  It's a tedious, but not difficult, process.  Actually, it's kind of enjoyable in a way.

Gratitude Journal:
1.  I am not sick.  That's always good.
2.  I have wonderful friends.
3.  The backlighting on my laptop has not been giving me trouble lately. (knock on wood)
4.  I am nearly finished with knitting my first sweater.
5.  I got to spend some time with my favorite uncle today.

This blog was written using DarkCopy @ http://darkcopy.com/

 

On Tuesday, I asked Dragon for a break, no contact for a week, so I can get my head sorted out and determine what it is that I really want/need out of our relationship, because no matter how he reasons it away, there is still something wrong, something that needs to be addressed. My intention is to meditate on this and write down all that I feel needs to be said.

 

So, the very next day... I get sick. I spend the entire afternoon/evening/night in bed, tossing and turning, unable to relax because I just hurt too much and ibuprofen doesn't do much to dull it. I have a shivering fever and at this point am afraid it might be a flu bug.

 

Thursday morning, I cancel my therapy appointment so I can go to my primary care physician and get this checked out. After waiting forever because I had to be a walk-in, and falling half a sleep in the waiting room, I am finally called back to get weighed (I've gained, by the way) and assigned an examination room. The nurse asks what I'm in for, swabs my throat, takes my blood pressure, and dissapears. After waiting a second eternity, the doctor comes in and tells me that it's strep throat. He prescribes an antibiotic and sends me on my merry way.

 

Once I finally get home in the afternoon, I crawl back into bed and stay there. There is no meditating going on at this point, though I guess I should have tried. I was just miserable. Nothing got done around the house. The dishes didn't get put away, the plants didn't get watered, nothing.

 

I'm not as miserable today. I managed to water the parched plants at least and I choked down a bagel with my coffee. I hope I'm feeling better by Sunday, because that's when I hope to have Jersey over for a visit.

 

Another thing that irritates me is that Tractor will not take the Monkey Boy this weekend because I'm sick and Curly Top's immune system is weak. Not that I want CT to get sick, I just want a weekend to myself especially while I'm sick. Thankfully, my parents are here to help with MB.

 

Time once again for a...

 

Gratitude Journal:

1. I can go back to bed today and not have to feel guilty about it.

2. I have horse pill antibiotic to help me through this illness

3, I have my parents to help me with Monkey Boy this weekend and they aren't likely to leave me alone with him out of worry for his health.

4. I have great friends who love me even if I devote a whole blog to bitching.

5. It seems to be about to rain. The water will be good for the plants I didn't water enough due to lack of energy.

 

Today is going okay except that I've spent way too much of it in bed. I was up too late last night talking things over with Dragon. Nothing was really solved by it, either.

 

I think, now would be a good time to remember some good in my life.

 

Gratitude Journal:

1. I feel a little better today. I think the new meds are starting to kick in, finally.

2. The Monkey Boy is happy and healthy.

3. I just learned to make a good BBQ sauce.

4. I have wonderful friends who are there for me no matter the problem.

5. I have a great talent for crafts.

Well, the first design for the quilt is not going to work out. The central star didn’t turn out as large as I thought and I want to be able to actually use the quilt for something other than a wall hanging, so I am changing the design so that it will cover more than my legs. Below is the new design as rendered in Paint. Comment and tell me what you think!

I am working on the star quilt just about every available moment and I have been browsing new quilting books on my book of the month club to put on my list for next month. I can’t believe that I am picking up in earnest yet another craft. I have a feeling that quilting will become on of my main hobbies along with crocheting and knitting while my other hobbies (spinning, beading, and regular sewing) will remain in the background.

 

I realized that in my last blog I neglected to relate the fabric choices for this quilt. Here, I will remedy that. It’s all flannel. The colors are green, brown, and beige for the star and flat black for the center background. Well… How about this? I messed around in Paint and came up with this picture to show you how I hope the quilt will look once it’s done…

 

 

 

That’s how it will look assuming I have enough green and brown. I’m working from stash fabrics, so I’m not sure.

I started a quilt yesterday. I am hand sewing the whole thing, but I already have four out of eight star points put together and it’s looking nice.

 

I worked on it this morning while I was in the lobby of Centerstone waiting for my appointments. I got a lot of work done on it then because my appointments didn’t happen when they were supposed to. 

 

I really wish I could be working on my quilt right now instead of staring at this computer screen. I never realized how soothing and therapeutic hand sewing could be until I started my largest hand sewn project ever. 

 

Is anyone else addicted a hand craft project at the moment?

Yesterday, I didn’t have to be anywhere, so I decided to keep Monkey Boy home and have a Mother and Son day. This isn’t usual for me as I pretty much always prefer to keep my free time all for myself, but something about the day made me want to spend time with my little one and I felt I had the energy to handle it.  So, I called the daycare and let them know he wouldn’t be in and proceeded to make breakfast for the MB and myself.

After breakfast, we went outside to turn the compost pile and I showed him all the bugs and worms that help break down the leaves and stuff. He is usually fascinated but afraid of worms but, with mommy’s hands around his, he actually held a worm for the first time ever! I grinned like a fool for being able to share that with him.

After the compost was turned, we went inside for a snack and to get ready to go to the park.

We walked to the park and I tried to read while MB played, but he came over to me, took the book away, and said that I could read tomorrow! He was so cute and funny that I just had to laugh long and hard. I convinced him to give me the book back so I could put it away in my bag, then I got up and played with him on the equipment and the swings.

At about 11:15, I judged it time to go home for lunch.

I fixed MB a couple hot dogs for lunch with both ketchup and mustard as requested. He ate most of it and said he was done before I even had finished fixing my own lunch. So, I finished making my lunch and let it to cool while I put him down for his nap.

I spent most of his nap time talking on the phone and reading my book.

After his nap, MB and I went back to the park and played around for a while longer. He ended up bumping his noggin pretty hard and then got really upset because a big ole carpenter bee came too close to him, so we went back home and spent what was left of the day inside.

U-N-E-M-P-L-O-Y-M-E-N-T_C-H-E-C-K

 

I don’t know how many weeks I’ve been without it, but it got stopped last month because I was late one week calling in for my weekly certification.  We have been living on my income tax return (and Mom and Fletch’s good graces) and it has been rather stressful to watch all that money slowly go away.

 

Today, I finally got everything straightened out.  After trying to get someone on the phone for weeks, I went down to the Department of Labor and Workforce Development and talked to an actual person, in person.  Her name was Marsha and she ran all over the building to get the solution to my case.

 

So, not only will I be able to resume drawing unemployment from now until this extension runs out, but I will get back pay for all the weeks I missed!  And the checks should arrive this week!  RELIEF!!!

I am back in Nashville after a weekend spent with the Dragon in my life.  We had a great weekend in his camper and I hope to be able to visit with him again soon.

 

I don’t feel moved to write about our humble exploits.  I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I managed to get to see him after 10 months apart and we had a wonderful time.

 

Thanks for reading!

I’m still in the Maximus program, though I’m not doing my volunteer work at the Rochelle Center anymore.  As of Tuesday, I have been moved from the Rochelle Center to a thrift store to do the volunteer part of the Maximus program. 

 

Yesterday was my first day at Thrift Smart.  It wasn’t bad except that I wore the wrong shoes and ended up with a blister on my heel.  All I did all day was go through clothes on the sales floor and pull all the red tag items to move them to the clearance area.  I will be back there tomorrow.

 

I’m still with Dragon and we are still planning our homestead in the mountains.  He thinks we could actually get property in the next couple years.  I feel like that is a little fast, but that could just be a case of nerves on my part.

 

Dragon is now the proud owner of a camper and so does no longer have to live with family.  He should have the camper moved into a lot in the trailer park by tomorrow and once he has it ready for company I will be visiting him there for a weekend.

 

The biggest news is that Mom and Fletch are looking into buying a house this year.  Because of this (exciting) possibility, my garden plans have had to be put on hold so that I don’t have too much started and have to leave it behind when we move.  It galls, but that’s the way it has to be.

 

We looked at three different houses yesterday evening.  I like the first one the most.  It has a lot of space and a lot of potential, though it needs a good bit of work.  We will certainly have to repaint the interior because the living room is green with a red stripe around the whole room.  The backyard will need to be fenced for the dogs and the Monkey Boy.  There is some wood rot on one window and the gutter needs some work.

 

The garden I have planned is a square foot garden.  For a SFG, you build above ground boxes, 4 feet square and 6 inches deep for most plants and you fill them with a perfect soil mix described in the book by Mel Bartholomew and you put a grid on top to give you your planting squares, one square foot each. 

 

The cost of SFG’s is pretty much all in the start up.  You only build the boxes and make the soil mix once, and then you just add a little compost-which you can make yourself-every time you replant.  You plant only the seeds you need, so no thinning sprouts (that means less work) and you have enough seeds left over to plant your garden for the next few years.  Did you know that there are over a thousand seeds in a regular packet of lettuce seeds?  (Mel actually counted.)  If stored properly, those seeds will last several years nearly eliminating seed costs, making your garden even thriftier

 

There is little work to do in an SFG once you have it planted.  Since the soil mix is free of weed seeds, there are no weeds except those few whose seeds get blown in by the wind.  Because you are building above the ground and making your own soil mix from compost, peat moss, and coarse vermiculite, there is no digging or tilling and pretty much all the heavy lifting of traditional gardening is eliminated.

 

There is a lot more I could say about the Square Foot Gardening method, but I’ll just stop here and recommend you read the book, The All New Square Foot Garden, and see for yourself how great it is.

My craft brother, Big Chris, is gone.  He crossed the veil last week and I am sad.  At first, it was thought to be suicide and everyone was glad when it was found to be a senseless accident instead.

 

At the funeral Sunday, the preacher knew half the room was pagan and proceeded to try to call us all to Jesus.  We were not amused.  Chris’s Aunt Janice had some private words with the preacher then she stood up and spoke to the room and thanked “Chris’s Pagan friends” for showing their love and support. 

 

I’m very impressed with Janice.  She knew nearly nothing about our religion and was able to open her mind enough to welcome us despite having heard the usual bunk about Paganism.  Janice then came to the ritual held at Jade’s house and learned a little more about that part of Chris’s world.  I was real glad to meet her.

 

During ritual, everyone shared their memories of Chris and there was a lot of laughter as we all said goodbye to our Gentle Giant.

Good News: 

 

1.  I should be seeing my loving Dragon within the next month or so.  He will be getting an RV or tow-behind camper with his tax return and will be bringing it to see me as soon as he has everything in order.

 

2.  My darling Donna will be coming to see Monkey Boy and me in March!  I’m looking forward to this nearly as much as I’m looking forward to seeing my Dragon though with much more nervousness since we’ve never met in person before.

 

3.  I am knitting my first sweater!  I am using an un-dyed, bulky, superwash Merino from KnitPicks.  It is so soft and creamy that I am enjoying the knitting even though the pattern is mostly in plain stockinette stitch.  I think I will dye it a deep green when I’m done.  If not green, then blue.

 

That’s all that’s fit to print at the moment. 

 

Blessed be.

For my Wiccan Laws homework, I have to compare and contrast the Wiccan Laws with two other laws systems. 

 

I have been looking at Hinduism for a little while as being one of the two other law systems I will include, but I am beginning to think that I may need to pick a simpler religion.  Like Shakerism. 

 

I’ve only found one book to read about Shakerism and it is supposed to have all their rules in it.  One stop shopping.  Hinduism has their laws spread over several books, then there are several different branches of Hinduism to think about as well. 

 

*sighs*

 

Well, no one said this would be easy.  In fact, I was told that it would be one of the harder assignments.  That might be why it’s taking me over a year to finish it.  That and/or a myriad of other reasons.

Well, the Monkey Boy lived up to his name last night and climbed out of his crib… Twice.  The first time, when he came to my room, I let him lay with me for a little bit, then put him back in his bed.  The second time, I just curled up with him in my bed and went back to sleep.

 

I HAVE IT! My mountain dulcimer came in the post yesterday and I have it in my hot little hands!! I'm so excited!

I have already learned to tune it to the Ionian Mode and play a few simple tunes with the help of the video I got from my library.

Right now, I am learning how to finger chords from the book that came along with it. I can hardly wait until I am able to play (with confidence) a sweet lullaby for my son.

Okay, back to practice!