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As a Goddess...

I see the beauty in the darkness and I sing with the stars.

Each season has its harshness, its wonder, its secrets.  I know them all in a place deeper than the bones of this body.

I walk softly in the dappled sunlight and learn stories from the clouds.

When the tears spill over my cheeks and the rain pours down on my head, my heart is a lantern, leading the way through the glorious chaos.

I sit with the rocks and listen to the rhythm of the wind-blown grass.

And you sense all of this, too.  You see the divine in my eyes as I see it in yours.  Let your soul meet mine and know we are parts of a whole.  Be with me in this, and I will be with you.


It's hard, very hard, expecially when my own brain is working against my better good.  Sometime even making myself get up and move is all I can do and even trying to lift my mood is like shoving a mountain with my bare hands.  The best I can do at that point is hold on and wait for the dark to pass.  At least, by now, I know it will pass.  I've been there often enough that I know it doesn't last forever...  I know I'm stronger than I used to be; some days, I can get the mountain to budge, just a bit.  So I endure the dark when I can't do anything else and I cling to the hope that someday I'll be strong enough to throw the mountain completely from my path.


I was irritated with my lover today. We had taken a nap and I was ready to wake up again, while he was not. I let him be for a while. I worked on some cleaning and played online a bit. Then I noticed the sky darkening and felt time running out. So I bugged him and he didn't want to wake up. He got a little sharp with me since I frequently try to wake him by telling him the time and that is apparently somewhat irritating. So, I felt hurt that he didn't want to wake up and spend time with me, which is not something I'd communicated that I wanted. All I said was that it was getting dark and was he going to get up at all? It took me a while to figure out that I was really feeling was lonely and I had asked him for the wrong thing. I don't know if he'd have gotten up if I asked for company or if he'd have told me to wait cause he was tired. I may never know, because I didn't ask for what I needed.


I give the doe a drink of blood from the skull of my enemy. She wanders away with crimson streaming from her mouth and I take my seat in the grove of aspen. Sitting with my back to the door I dare you to open my head and climb inside. What will you say to the watcher within?

Ceiling Theatre of the Closet Divine

Don't tell me the laws of physics when you witnessed the syrup of silver light poured down my throat and heard tale of my deed at the birth of the Walrus King.

The Harbinger of the Monkey Mask put its eyes in a pocket and intoned the verses of Carpet Cleaning while echos of dust bunnies climb aboard the corset lacing and sleep against the smooth, stoney skin.

Although twin snowflakes explode in HER mouth, the washroom is full of sand. I sit on a dune and ponder the sliver of skin caught in my teeth while tetrahedrons dance spirals through the sky.

I don't claim the dove's breath, but the harvest in June was far more than the river thinks should be.  The castle banner flaps at the discussion and would frankly rather be left alone.

A Moment

I am sitting on the porch bench, a project on the table in front of me.  I've been at it for hours, relaxed by the flow of work I do well.  The sudden impact of an acorn on the tin roof startles me and I look up and around, only just noticing the waning of golden sunlight and the onset of evening chill.

I set down my work to pull on my tattered sweater.  Threads poke out of the many places I've mended over the years.  I smile when I think of how mom tried time and again to get me to throw it away.  I have other sweaters, prettier, softer, warmer ones, but this is my favorite.  I don't remember where I got it, but I feel the comfort of an old friend when it is wrapped around me.

The 2-way chirps, bringing me out of reverie.  My mate is calling me in for supper and, as the cold is becoming uncomfortable, I am not irritated to end my work mid-project.

I put away my supplies, lock up the cabin, and walk home to the comfort of hot food and my love's warm smile.  It is a blessedly peaceful end to a productive day.

My Friend By Kahlil Gibran

          My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear -- a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence.
      The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.
      I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do -- for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action.
      When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye, it doth blow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.
      Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.
      When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars -- and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone.
      When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell -- even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, my comrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion" -- for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.
      Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.
      My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect -- and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.
      My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.

Gratitude Journal

1.  My Man.  Every day and for so many reasons.
2.  Quiet time.  Gosh I needed it tonight.
3.  Batteries.  My walkie talkie works again.
4.  Internet.  I got to watch the latest episode of Dexter today.
5.  Yarn.  *purrrrr*


Serpent's Rest

The snake was nearly 6 feet long and it was fighting with my dog.  My first reaction was to get my fur-baby away from it.  She wasn't hurt and I shut her in the cabin while I figured out what to do.  I'd have liked to just let the snake be, but there is an inquisitive and head-strong child visiting for the summer and we plan to have chickens and rabbits soon.  I weighed the options and considered the possibilities and decided that it was best to go on and kill the snake.

I have processed the snake's body.  While I don't trust that its flesh is edible, I can at least make good use of the skin and bones.

So, I took a life today, but I did not do so lightly.  I hope that I never become someone who would kill without reverence.  I wish peace to whatever spirit the snake may have had.

Uninspired, but Grateful

Several times this week, I have sat down to write a post.  Every time, I have been unable to focus my thoughts into something inspiring or meditative or evocative of emotion.  So here I sit, again.  Uninspired.  Since expecting different results from the same old behavior is rather futile, I've decided that, instead of reaching for something super deep or marvelously clever, I will simply post a gratitude journal.

1. My son.  Every time I get to see him, I am amazed at how he's grown, and I'm so grateful that he still loves me and thinks of me even though I can't be there all the time.

2. My dad.  He knows the latest reason, but other than that, I'm grateful for his humor and the fact that I can talk to him about almost anything.

3. Dragon.  He is a very kind and understanding mate.  He holds me when the world is overwhelming and helps me find the strength within myself to face it.  He also gives me free tattoo work.

4. My mad crafting skillz.  Seriously.  I'm awesome at making stuff.

5. Rocks.